Things I Thank GOD My Parents Lied to Me About

Ahh parents.  What can we say about them?  Heroes?  Providers?  Liars?  Wait..liars?  Yes indeed we can definitely call them liars and I for one am thankful for that.  Our parents of course try to teach us that lying is wrong, yet since we were children they've been deceiving us!  We rarely catch them when we're kids and even if we do, we're too young to really make an issue of it (other then saying "oOoOoOoOoh!")  Our parents say that these lies are completely okay though and I'm sure that for those out there without kids, you will be using these too when you do have some.  But these don't hurt anyone!  They're "White Lies!"  Fact of the matter is, when you give someone false information, you're lying.  Someone who lies, is known as a liar and apparently has pants that are on fire. 

On to the list:

NUMBER 5

THE TOOTH FAIRY

No matter who you are or what you do, one thing that we all don't mind getting, is free money.  When we were kids, we would periodically lose our "baby teeth."  Now I don't know about everyone else in the world, but when I lost something, I always seemed to look for mommy and daddys help as a kid.  The first time I lost a tooth I imagine that I was shocked and probably ran to show my parents.  Before the feeling that I lost an actual part of me set in, my parents told me that if I save my tooth and put it under my pillow, the Tooth Fairy will come in the middle of the night to give me money.  Sure enough, when I fell asleep that nite, the moment I woke up I looked under my pillow and there was a nice crisp dollar bill!  For most kids, a dollar was a pretty nice looking piece of cash back then and I never would have got it if the "Tooth Fairy" hadn't paid me a visit.  Most kids at school got visits and this resulted in tons of happy gap toothed children at elementary schools all over.  Is there really a tooth fairy?  No so technically they're lying to us.  Did we get free money for just letting our body do what needs to be done?  YES!  So why argue?  Like ninjas, our parents would come into our rooms in the middle of the night, lift up our heads and pillows, take away our tiny tooth, and replace it with a little cash.  Of course there were those kids out there who got scared of the tooth fairy.  Can't really figure out why...

ohhh...

NUMBER 4

WE'RE BETTER THEN YOU

When we were younger, our parents would sometimes do little competitions with us right?  How many times have we (as young as maybe 4 yrs old) beat our parents?  I probably beat my pops in footraces, video games, sports, and even arm wrestling at the age of 7.  Have you read my last top 5?  Can you name a 7 year old that could win an arm wrestling match against those arms?  Yet when I was younger, I did!  Yeah my bicep was probably smaller then his wrist and of course I used two arms and my whole body weight, but I did it!  Right? 

There is no way that my 7 year old garden hose looking arms could ever beat his 22+ inch arms.  Are you kidding me?  Yet when I was young, he let me win.  This lying helps us kids gain some confidence (apparently a good thing) and helps us feel a sense of achievement.  Now, as bad as that last sentence sounded, our parents intentions were good.  Of course, we could just look at what would happen if our parents didn't let us win.  I'm also pretty sure that our parents letting us win helped them feel good too.  As we got older there started to be fewer and fewer things that our parents could beat us at. 

Still can't beat pops in arm wrestling though.  Geez...

NUMBER 3

MONSTERS

 How could scaring children be seen as a positive thing?  I grew up being told (from friends and family) that there were monsters under my bed, under the stairs, in the garage, and in the closet!  Even today I'm sure that there are some adults out there who make sure their closets are closed at night and I'm pretty sure its not because they're worried that there's a panty thief going around.  I'm thankful for these lies because they helped me in a couple of ways: 1. I was too scared to get out of bed sometimes because of the monsters underneath, so I stayed in bed, and eventually fell asleep (helping me get enough rest so I could grow.  and 2. I tried to behave for fear of being thrown to the monsters.  We all need a good amount of sleep to grow, especially when we're kids, and being forced to stay in bed helped me get the sleep needed to grow into the 6'1 monster (at least for us asians) I am today.  Would I have gone to sleep if it wasn't explained that way?  Well..maybe..but this explanation helps to prove my point!  Also, I've seen too many kids get driven down the wrong path.  Kids lives ruined before they're old enough to shave or even drive!  Some people believe that you can scare kids straight.  I can't say that it works for everyone, but I can say that being scared helped me out.  Worried that your kid might sneak out in the middle of the night?  Tell em when they're 4 that there's a monster who waits outside the front door of the house.  Scared that your child might be staying up making too much noise?  Convince him that there's a monster walking up the stairs that actually is drawn by their ruckus (seriously my mom actually did that!)  All your future problems can be solved, by putting fear into your kids today!  Scaring Kids = Child Tested, Parent Approved.

NUMBER 2

SANTA CLAUS

I LOVE Christmas!  I love the true story (open a bible), the atmosphere, the music, and everything about the holiday.  One thing that I believe everyone can agree on loving though, is Santa Claus.  What's not to love about the guy?  He's a jolly fat man who dresses in red, he has a nice beard, and spends his days preparing to deliver presents to children on Christmas!  Well..sounds kinda creepy but the point is, if you look at the Santa that our parents probably portrayed for us, you'd only be able to see Santa in a good light.  Santa miraculously delivers billions upon billions of presents all around the world at night while we're asleep christmas eve, and when we wake up in the morning, sure enough Santa's presents are there!  If you've ever woken up Christmas morning and saw presents for you under the christmas tree from Santa, I'm sure your reaction was something like this.  Okay, maybe not that bad, but you get the point.  Santa apparently watches us year round to make sure that we're good little kids and knowing that Christmas is in December, we had a lot of well-behaved children for the month of November.  We'd wake up and find just what we asked Santa for under the tree and for certain kids, we'd even get something special from our parents too!  Two presents from our parents.  No wonder I tried milking the Santa thing until I was 15 (they didn't believe me).  Thanks for the years of "white lies" and I'm sure that when I have kids, I'm going to be lying about Santa Claus to them too.

Now what could possibly be better then Santa Claus? 

What is something that I thank GOD my parents lied to me about?

first...drumroll please...

ratatatatatatata

NUMBER 1

WHERE DO BABIES COME FROM?

Come on..When you were younger, did you really wanna hear the truth?  I understand and know that it's the beautiful way of life, but as kids we're very very visual with things.  Now, do you really wanna have to explain your "beautiful" way of life to children?  I don't think you really want to and I know that I'm glad I didn't find out until I got older.  Just the image of your parents..lets go with "wrestling" together makes my eyes hurt.

Ahh the picture burns!  Your parents probably told you something like the Stork delivered you, or an Angel, or in my case, you were adopted.  In any case, anything is better then knowing the truth! 

Because once you have an image of your parents..

It'll never go away..

It was you right mistah stork?  No birds and bees right?

Thats my top 5.  Agree?  Disagree?  Every Saturday there's usually a new list up, so let me know what you think!

Douchiest Gym Habits

For anyone out there who's known me for a few years, you probably know that I like the gym.  Thats not to say that I go on a consistent basis (scheduling problems, work, laziness) but I do like the gym.  One thing that I can't stand though when I go are the douchebags.  Yes I'm sure that anyone who's ever been to a gym (Bally, 24 Hour Fitness, Golds) has seen them and I'm sure you have your own definition of a douche.  Today though, I'm giving you my top 5 douchiest gym habits. 

Before anyone asks, YES I'VE SEEN ALL OF THESE FIRSTHAND.


On to the list....

NUMBER 5

NOT RERACKING WEIGHTS

Now this isn't necessarily a douchebag move, but more of an annoyance.  I've seen so many people grab dumbells and just leave them lying on the floor.  Are you coming back?  Do you just need water?  Are you doing multiple exercises?  More often then not, guys don't put thier weights back due to laziness. 

You're at the gym.  Why be lazy there?

Speaking of doing multiple exercises, it kinda irks me to see people monopolizing workout space.  The gym is supposed to be shared but a lot of these douches claim territories like dogs but instead of pissing on everything, they just mark it with their sweat.  I understand using a couple machines, but when you're branching out to using three different machines and not allowing anyone else to work in, you're a douche.

NUMBER 4

DROPPING YOUR WEIGHTS

This seems to be one of the three douchebaggy musts at the gym (the other two being sunglasses and tanktops).  There are situations where I can understand dropping the weights like if you don't have a partner and truly can't do another a rep.  But the problem is, that most of the guys dropping weights really shouldn't be doing it.  I've seen guys do flys with 100 lb dumbells and then slowly lower the weight to the floor or their knees.  On the other hand, I've seen a guy drop 35 lb dumbells after dumbell pressing them.  35 pounds.  Thirty-Five.  I can curl more then you bench and you're dropping that weight?  Other times I've seen guys getting spotted and then when its time to put the weights back down, instead of having their spotter help them lower the weights, they'd rather just drop em to the ground (sometimes letting the weight bounce and hitting their spotter.)  Apparently now though, guys are being taught to show how manly they are, by dropping weights after they're done with them.  This mainly happens with dumbells but I've seen guys doing overhead shoulder presses with barbells and then dropping them from above their heads.  WHY?  Take some time at the gym to look around and I guarantee you that you'll find someone throwing their weights when they're done with them.  Stop it!  It's not cool and it just makes you look like a douche.

Don't you DARE throw that dumbell!

NUMBER 3

MAKING A SPECTACLE OF YOUR WORKOUTS

I'm sure that we've all seen someone at the gym lifting an insane amount of weight right?  Something that we probably couldn't even imagine doing ourselves.  I'm not necessarily talking about all those guys specifically, but I'm focusing on the ones who try to make it a show.  There's this guy I see at the gym (we call him King Kong) and he is the epitomy of spectacles.  He comes in wearing goggles, a weight belt, and a backwards cap and always has a stack of magazines.  He waltzes in to the benching area and proceeds to put on five 45 lb plates on each side of the bench press.  For those out there without basic math skills, thats 495 lbs (including the 45 lb barbell.) 

About 500 lbs for those needing a visual

But thats not the end of the show he's putting on. 

He then decides to pull out handcuffs.

Yes...handcuffs and decides to handcuff himself to the bar. Why?  Now, the whole gym seems to be focusing on this one badly dressed individual.  Seeing as how he has everyones attention, he makes the required manly grunts and lowers himself under the bar.  He then grips the bar tightly, right hand first then left.  He makes one last gruff grunt and then...sits back up, uncuffs himself from the bar and then reracks his weights.  WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?  Why do people like that need to be the center of attention at the gym?  You're going to the gym to get in shape and look better so you can put on a show outside the gym. 

Oh well...at least he reracked his weights right?

NUMBER 2

FLEXING

Now before I get some hatemail, let me clear things up first: Flexing has many benefits.  Flexing can be used to pinpoint muscles that need work, help max out a burn after a hard workout, and even help to give a person greater control of their individual muscles.  With that out of the way, I'd like to focus on the guys out there who flex after every set.  You know who you are!  These guys flex as if their lives depended on it!  Finish a set, time to flex.  Rerack my weights, flex while doing it.  Getting some water, flex as I press the water button.  These guys aren't flexing for any of the benefits that I discussed above.  These guys are flexing because they wanna show off their muscles.  The sad part is that most of the guys flexing, look like...

You get the picture...

These skinny guys are the most notorious for flexing.  You've seen them in their tanktops, often in groups of three, hovering around one bench.  They do one set, then congratulate eachother for pushing out another hardcore rep as they start to flex in front of the mirrors.  Whats even worse is that these flexers often have these pompous looks on their faces.  They'll look around the gym, puff out their chests, and act like they're awesome.  You're not awesome, your body sucks, and you're not strong.  My pops over the age of 40 can bench 300 lbs.  My uncle Joe's arms are bigger then both of your thighs...TOGETHER.  They, can flex all they like.  You, scrawny bob, should be embarassed.  With your noodle arms...

Unks and Pops arms.

You know, a lot of guys like flexing at the gym because they wanna show off.  They think that they might impress people. This brings me to...

DRUMROLL PLEASE

ratatatatatatatatatatatatatat

NUMBER 1

HOLLERING AT WOMEN

Why do people go to the gym?  I think we can agree that its primarily used to get in shape for either health reasons, or just for asthetics.  Women are no different from us men in that regard right?  One thing that I think women can agree with me here is that they dont go to the gym to get oogled.  I don't think that they get dolled up to go sweat and work it out at the gym.  I'm not saying that its wrong to look or even admire someone while they're at the gym (some people get turned on by sweat), but when you outstep your boundaries and invade their private space, you're a douche.  You have no idea how many times I've seen girls get approached by guys "trying to help them out."  Often times I see the awkwardness that follows where the guy tries to feed her lines like "hey maybe we can workout sometime" or "why don't you give me your number so I can give you some pointers."  PLEASE!  Most girls (smart ones at least) can usually see right through your "kind gestures" and would like nothing more then for you to get away.  They know what they're doing and they don't need some douchebag coming up pretending like they're trying to provide some assistance.

Thanks but I think I know how to use the treadmill!

Guys please listen: these girls at the gym are exercising so that they can impress and look great outside of the gym.  There's a reason why there are gyms specifically designed for women only.  Stop trying to pick up women at the gym.

There's nothing wrong with being friendly or assisting.

But you're not really trying to be friendly are you?

Douche...

This is my top 5 douchiest gym habits.  Do you agree or disagree?  Leave me some feedback. 

I put up a new review or top 5 every week so if you have any ideas, just let me know!

iPhone Games

Most everyone today has a cell phone and every cell comes equipped with a game or two. With greater technology, our games have evolved from simpler fare such as "Snake" and have truly become their own full length titles. At the top of the cell phone gaming heap stands the iPhone. With over 13000 games in their "App Library", the iPhone (games also compatible with iPods) has become a major player in the portable gaming community. Here are my top 5 iPhone games. *Note: These are my opinions so if you think I missed any, feel free to leave their names in the comment section*

NUMBER 5: THE CREEPS!

I dont know what it is about this game, but I loved it! Its a pretty basic tower defense game, but there's something very appealing about the whole vibe of this title. Multiple modes (endless, survival, door breaker), addictive gameplay, and cheaper then the price of a McChicken Sandwich, this game is great for fans of tower defense or those just getting introduced!

NUMBER 4: WORDS WITH FRIENDSI'm not gonna try to hide the fact that this game is pretty much scrabble. You know, that game that is collecting dust at your parents house because half of us can't spell. Something about the way this game was designed makes it ridiculously addictive though. You can play multiple games with other iPhone or iPod owners, you play at your own pace, theres a little chat option in-game, and the various bells and chimes actually make you feel good when you win or get a high scoring word. (if you have this game, add me: MassahJames)

NUMBER 3: GRAND THEFT AUTO: CHINATOWN WARS
Out of all the games on this list, this title will stand out because of its price. Now while 10$ may seem like a lot, you need to understand that this isn't just a little bite sized GTA title; this is a FULL game. This game retailed for $30 dollars on the Nintendo DS (and later PSP) and it doesnt look like the developers compromised a thing for this iPhone port. A full story mode, addictive minigames, and a huge city make this game a wonder why it sold so poorly for the DS and PSP. If you can deal with the touch controls (which work surprisingly well) you'll find a solid title and an early contender for iPhone app of 2010.

NUMBER 2: PLANTS VS ZOMBIESI seriously love this game. I spent many hours on the computer playing this game when it was first released in 2009 and I will probably do the same for this game on my iPhone. This game originally retailed for $19.99 on computers and quickly broke out as one of the top casual games made. There's a reason that this game is Popcaps number 1 fastest selling game of all-time (Popcaps other titles include Peggle and Bejeweled). What starts as a simple tower-defense style game, this game sinks its claws in you and won't let you quit. While the iPhone port doesn't retain all of the originals content (no zen garden, endless mode, some minigames), it is a fraction of the cost and easily worth more. Endlessly addictive, eye-pleasing visuals, tons and tons of replay value, and quite possibly the catchiest end game song ever, this game is a must for iPhone owners. *hopefully Popcap will release the minigames and other content as DLC or in a patch*

AND MY NUMBER 1 GAME FOR THE iPhone IS:

DRUMROLL PLEASE

DOODLE JUMP

How did this title beat out GTA and Plants Vs Zombies? Simple: this game seems to only be possible on the iPhone. Simplistic in gameplay and style, this game is the perfect casual game and one of the shining examples of a developer using the iPhone for more then ports with bad controls (see Mega Man 2). You tilt the screen to have your character(the doodler) jump on platforms to get as high as you can. Along the way there are assist items (springs, rockets, trampolines) and enemies (monsters, holes, space ships); you have leaderboards and alternate skins (snow level with redesigned EVERYTHING) and the entire experience is cheaper then 30 minutes of parking meter time in downtown San Francisco! There have been many imitators, but none of gotten close to doing what Doodle Jump has perfected and every iPhone owner should have this game. You'll play this once and find yourself saying "Okay just one more time, just one more time."

HONORABLE MENTIONS
Feel Free once again to name any games that I've missed and check out
www.freeappaday.com for...well...a free app...everyday...

Zen Bound $2.99

Bejeweled 2 $2.99

Pocket God $0.99

Fieldrunners $2.99

Flight Control $0.99

iBlast Moki $2.99

Rolando 2 $4.99

Bloons TD $2.99

XBLA Games

I have had an Xbox Live Gamertag (l King James I) for going on 5 years now and have owned an Xbox 360 for almost 4 years.  With the jump from the original xbox to the 360, a lot of changes were made.  One of the changes I'm the most fond of is the addition of arcade titles (XBLA games).  These titles vary from remakes (Bionic Commando), classic titles (Contra, Frogger), to fresh new fare (Chime, The Dishwasher Samurai).  No matter what kind of gamer you are, there is guaranteed to be a game to fit your tastes in the xbox live marketplace.  So today I'm bringing you my top 5 XBLA titles.  Before I get into the list there are a couple rules:

1. Must be exclusive to XBLA OR must have been released on XBLA first before being ported to other formats. So no Pac Man Championship Edition or Mega Man 9.
2. No Remakes or Re-Releases with the exception of new games for current franchises.  Something must have significantly changed or improved upon (other then graphically) So no Ikaruga, Banjo Kazooie or Bionic Commando Rearmed.
3. These are MY opinions so if you disagree, please give me your top picks in a comment or possibly suggest a game that you think is more deserving.

With that out of the way, lets dive right in! *Note: Games are priced by Points. 400 pts = $5.00. Don't ask me why...its Microsofts stupid money system..*

NUMBER 5

SPLOSION MAN! (800 MS PTS)

BY TWISTED PIXEL

Released in Xbox Live's second Annual Summer of Arcade last year this game took many people by surprise.  Twisted Pixel's previous release, the underappreciated The Maw, was a nice platformer that let the developers get their feet wet.  With Splosion Man Twisted Pixel really decided to go all out.  In this side-scrolling platformer you control Splosion Man as he wreaks havoc through a laboratory.  Along the way you fight scientists and other experiments that try to stop you with missiles, ray guns, and traps such as lava and spikes.  The level design is very creative and the whole game is very visually appealing to people of all ages.  Out of the 5 arcade titles released in last years summer of arcade, this title may have been overshadowed by (no pun intended) Shadow Complex. 

This is sad because I feel that I enjoyed this title more (although Shadow Complex is PERFECT for fans of 2D Metroid games).  I highly recommend that you check this game out.  Unlike many arcade titles, this game has a lot of meat in it.  50 Single-Player missions as well as 50-multiplayer missions!  These multiplayer maps aren't the single-player maps with multi tacked on, no these are actually 50 unique maps themselves!  All this for only $10 (in non-stupid cash)?  Whether you 'splode on your own, or 'splode with your friends in co-op, you'll definitely be enjoying yourself playing Splosion Man! Besides, how can you say no to that face?

NUMBER 4

GEOMETRY WARS RETRO EVOLVED 2 (800 MS PTS)

BY BIZARRE CREATIONS LTD

When many gamers had first gotten their hands on some Microsoft Points, the first arcade titles they probably bought were rereleases (like Contra or Smash TV).  However, one of the first and arguably best new games released was a title known as Geometry Wars Retro Evolved.  Originally a minigame in Project Gotham Racing 2, the developers knew they had a hit and decided to give it the full scale treatment.  Geometry Wars Retro Evolved was released shortly after the 360 was first sent out for a mere 400 pts and quickly became the highest downloaded game on XBLA.  Its addictive gameplay kept you going and one more game became 3 more hours spent playing this title, trying to best your last effort.  The games simple controls, yet complex gameplay had the player only using 3 buttons: the two analog sticks and the R trigger.  The left stick controls your ship and the right stick controls where you fire giving you complete control to fly and shoot where you feel.  The R trigger is used to detonate screen clearing bombs.  This game is often seen as a spiritual successor to the classic arcade game Robotron 2084 which uses a similar control scheme.  But where that first game treaded new waters, Geometry Wars has become a master of the sea here. 

Perfectly tight controls help you navigate the insanity that ensues onscreen.  Thank God for that because you can easily lose your ship amidst the craziness and bright vibrant colors onscreen. Take a look at the screenshot right here...can you even locate your ship?  This game is one of the perfect XBLA games that truly feels like you could pop quarter after quarter into an arcade cabinet playing this.  How does Bizarre Creations improve on one of the best early XBLA games?  How bout letting up to 4 people play 5 new game modes (6 total including the original survival) cooperative or competitively?  There's nothing like working with, or against, your friends in the very addictive pacifist mode in which you must guide your ship from one safety zone to another while leading the enemy ships (shapes?) into traps.  Hands down this should easily been in your XBLA library if its not.  I guarantee that most of you probably would have dropped well over 10$ in quarters if you saw this in your local arcade, so why not just get the perfect version at home forever?

NUMBER 3

TRIALS HD (1200 MS PTS)

BY RED LYNX LTD

This is the first game here that is over 10$ and is it worth the extra Lincoln?  In one word: YES.  You control a motorcyclist (in case you couldn't tell by the helmet our character is wearing) as you guide him through increasingly frustrating levels with ridiculous obstacles along a 2D plane.  How's about you go and take your bike across a 4 inch thick beam 20 feet in the air, then bunny hop through a ring of fire as two pendulums with spikes at the ends are swinging alternatingly in front of you?  Over lava! Thats just the first 20 yards of a level!  This game goes from almost childlishly easy, to devilishly evil in the span of a couple dozen levels.  I guarantee that you'll be getting frustrated possibly halfway through your campaign, which is over 50 levels long.  But, this game has that certain type of frustration that hardcore gamers love.  You'll come across levels which look nearly impossible to beat and you'll try, and continue to fail and fail and fail.  But you'll keep coming back for more because you just KNOW that you can beat it.  Once you do, the next obstacle is right there to laugh at your attempts until you inevitably fail again and again on this one.  But you almost never can blame the game itself because its controls are truly as perfect as I have ever seen in games like this.  Take a look at this video really quickly. 

Yes...that is 1 level...granted not all the levels are nearly as hard as that one and I doubt that many (if any) of you out there could ever pull a run as flawless as the one shown, it is possible.  I know because I've completed every one of the tracks in the game (DLC not included).  One track took me (no exaggeration) an hour and a half.  I probably faulted close to a thousand times on that one track and my final time for beating the level was clocked at 30+ minutes (only get a max of an hour to try on one map) but the fact is I did it.  This game has over 50 maps and close to a dozen mini games that you can unlock.  There's some new DLC out (400 ms pts) and supposedly more in the works.  Gamers who can take a challenge, I recommend you try this game out. 

NUMBER 2

 BRAID (1200 MS PTS)

BY NUMBER NONE INC

How could this list NOT have Braid?  And how do you begin to review a game like Braid?  This game has been called one of the deepest experiences in all of gaming; a masterpiece and possibly one of the most engrossing stories ever told through gaming as a whole.  Some have even said that this is the greatest game they've ever played.  With a metacritic score of 93, its hard to argue with some of the high acclaim this game has gotten.  The core gameplay of this title is very very similar to the classic Super Mario Bros and its well aware of that fact.  You play through 6 different worlds each consisting of a few levels and each world introduces a new gameplay mechanic.  One world has you casting a shadow clone of yourself where another one has you completely manipulating the flow of time. 

The actual theme of the game seems to be based upon the flow of time and this platformer/puzzle game puts gamers to the test.  Like Bioshock, this is one of those games that you truly need to play to understand what makes it so good.  You get this great satisfaction after you solve some of these clever puzzles and it only grows as you get closer and closer to one of the better (arguably best) climaxes in recent years.  At almost every point in the game you can manipulate time to rewind your recent actions so your character never truly "dies" and therefore there's no need for lives or continues.  You continue to play until you finish the game (or grow tired I guess) and the game can be beat in under a few hours (my fastest time clocking in at 35 minutes).  If you haven't heard anything about this game or someone hasn't douched it up and ruined the story for you, please do yourself a favor and get this game (that includes you too PSN guys).  I only wish that I could erase my memory of this game so that I can re experience it fresh. 

NOW

DRUMROLL

PLEASE

 RATATATATATATATATA!

NUMBER 1

CASTLE CRASHERS (1200 MS PTS)

BY THE BEHEMOTH

Please don't act like this was a surprise.  I have yet to find someone who's played this game that didn't like it.  This game is simply amazing with something for every gamer out there.  A long and fun campaign (4-player co-op offline or online), multiple characters and powers, beautifully hand drawn characters and backgrounds, and one of the most epic soundtracks you could ever find on the XBLA.  This game plays like classic side scrolling beat em ups (like TMNT Turtles in Time) but blends lots of RPG elements into the leveling up system for added replay.  You can grow your character into an element using defensive powerhouse or maybe work on your powerful combat skills and speed.  You can use the poison spewing green guy or maybe the ice wielding blue guy.  And what happens after you beat the game? You can unlock one of the 22 new characters (my favorite being the Ninja)!  Whats great is that you won't ever really feel like you're being forced to trudge through the campaign just to unlock a new character, because you'll be enjoying yourself everytime.

You'll traverse through regular adventure fare such as the forest level, ice level, and lava level while fighting through baddie after baddie until you reach one of the many bosses.  Some of these bosses can be troublesome, but if you have a buddy or two to help along the way you shouldn't have any problems.  In fact, you really shouldn't be playing this game without at least 1 other friend.  I beat this game multiple times with my girlfriend, my brother, and even a couple of my xbox live friends.  After you beat the game for the first time, you'll unlock the almost ridiculously hard insane mode where you'll definitely need a powered up character and 3 friends.  How do you level up some more?  By replaying any or all of the campaign levels again.  You can also unlock little animal orbs which float around and help you by modifying your character (increasing magic strength, jump height).  I don't think that there's anything more that I could say about this game that you probably haven't heard.  A huge adventure you can play with your friends, mini games plus arena battles, beautiful characters and environments, dozens upon dozens of unlockable characters and weapons, and one of the best values in arcade..change that..gaming as a whole!  You simply can't go wrong with this game.

For those out there with PSN you can actually download my top 2 games now.  They were released not too long ago and I've heard that they're pretty much unchanged so I definitely recommend you check them out (well, if there are any PSN fanboys reading this article). 

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

games that didn't follow the rules mentioned in the beginning but are still great buys marked with an asterisk*

*Pac Man Championship Edition

*Galaga Legions

*Alien Hominid HD

Marble Blast Ultra

The Maw

*Bionic Commando Rearmed

Boom Boom Rocket

*Lode Runner

Shadow Complex

*Banjo Kazooie (and Banjo Tooie)

*Mega Man 9

A Kingdom for Keflings

Lose Lose Situations

All of us have had points in our life where we come to a fork in the road. Sometimes these two paths are completely different and at other times they seem very identical. Then...there are these forks. These situations that we're put in where we're given different choices, yet either one leads to the same result...I like to call these the "Lose Lose Situations" where no matter what, you'll almost always come out on the bottom. Lets just jump into the list rite now...

NUMBER 5: WORKING OUT

How can working out be a lose lose situation? Well, it depends on how you view it...you spend countless hours lifting weights, running, dieting, and torturing yourself to get into shape. Sweat, soreness, and sometimes blood seem to be one of the main results we achieve for all our hard work. Yet, working out seems to be a very unforgiving love. After months of working out we seldom do get the results that we're hoping to achieve, mainly due to high expectations. Often times this results in us having a warped self image."I'm not buff enough" or "I'm not as skinny as I want to be" seem to become normal phrases uttered by those attempting to get "in shape". Being in shape makes me more desirable to men/women! True, but what happens when after you have got in shape, you decide to take some time to relax and enjoy life? Well, you end up losing definition and strength and must build it back up again. This causes you to be seen as someone who doesn't take care of themselves, or someone who doesn't care enough about their significant other to try. So unless you continue to exercise and eat right for the rest of your life, you're probably just gonna go back to being an out of shape blob...

this man is TRULY living

NUMBER 4: UPGRADING

Everyday someone out there is working on making something better. We're never content with what we have and we're always trying to make things faster (internet), smaller (phones, tvs), and bigger(heh yeah i'm childish). Did you know that since the iPod first released (2001) there have been almost a billion different versions released? *citation needed* Theres been the various generations of the iPod classic, the iPod nano, iPod shuffle, iPod touch, and 4 different versions of the iPhone. Each version supposedly makes things faster and more convenient, yet adds more and more problems. I just recently paid over 300$ for my iPhone 3gs and I GUARANTEE that within a year, the 4g is gonna come out and make my 3gs feel obsolete. So, in order to not feel inferior, I must of course UPGRADE. I NEED to get the top of the line everything because..well..i'm American. Why else would I (as well as millions of Americans out there) be forced to shell out countless amounts of cash to buy something which is essentially the same product I currently own (albeit shiny new wrapping)? You upgrade now, a better version is gonna come out. You don't upgrade, your current model isn't good enough. Upgrading sucks...period...dot dot dot...

The New iBod 4gs

NUMBER 3: FIGHTING WITH ELDERS (AND CHILDREN)

I'm sure we've all seen that video with the crazy beard guy beating up the drunk guy on the transit bus but in case you haven't, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DNkcGWjzmz0 there you go. Not all old people can throw down like this guy, but there are a few that you need to be careful for. Speaking of which, why on earth would you wanna fight an old person? There are some old people who definitely run their mouth or outstep their boundaries, but they're OLD! Thats just how they are! Say you fight an old person and beat them up, then what? You just beat up someones grandpa who probably has bones more brittle then wafer thins. You proud of yourself? Or worse, they mop the floor with you! Imagine explaining to your friends then Grandpa Joe just beat you up with moves he learned back in '42. Fighting with kids (anyone under 18) is the same thing. They're stupid. PERIOD. Most of them have foul mouths and probably deserve a nice whoopin, but are you really gonna give it to them? They haven't matured yet so give them the benefit of the doubt. Besides, is it really something worth going to jail for? Wait until they're of legal age, then decide if its worth it okay?

"16 more years baby Joe...just you wait..."

NUMBER 2: GETTING DRUNK

Alcohol helps me have a good time! You serious? You can't have a good time without it? I'm pretty sure you've had fun without it many times. Alcohol loosens me up and lets me enjoy myself! How bout you hang out with people that you're comfortable with? As for loosening up, might wanna keep that to yourself. I love alcohol! Your wallet doesn't and neither does your liver. Ok with that out of the way, lets look at alcohol. A lot of us use alcohol as somewhat of a social crutch. We're just not comfortable with it so we decide to shell out loads of cash to pay for the effects of an extended ride on a merry-go-round. Many of us..meh MOST of us are sloppy drunks and when we get to that point, we're not really as great of a person to be around. But everyones merry and having a good time! Yeah thats cuz they're all laughing at how much of an A$$ you're making of yourself. Sometimes guys (and girls) use drinking to either get with a partner, or make their current partner more desireable. Now if you have to cloud your vision before you do something with another person, don't you think that you're gonna eventually regret that decision at a later date? Too many times I've heard of girls complaining about making mistakes at a club or at a party because they were drunk. Well...you kinda just summed up what went wrong with the last 2 words. You..were..drunk. The day after is even worse! You wake up hungover and/or are with someone/something that you swear looked like Halle Berry the night before. Guys...you're not safe either..this could be you..(YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!)

AND

MY

NUMBER

1

LOSE LOSE

SITUATION

IS...

DRUMROLL PLEASE...

RATATATATATATATATATATTAATA

ARGUING WITH WOMEN!

Now I'm probably gonna get a lot of flack for this one but hear me out first.  For those that have girlfriends/wives let me ask you a quick question: how often does your girl change moods? April (my gf) is an AMAZING girl and I love her with all my heart, but MAN sometimes she gets angry at me for God knows what.  I swear that things are okay but then BOOM something happens and I'm stuck wondering "what happened?"  When guys fight with their girlfriends, unfortunately, guys are stuck in a lose lose situation.  Say our girl wins the fight, we just lost and they were right (which I KNOW some of you girls out there just love to rub it in our faces!)  If we do "win" (I say that very loosely) our girl is still upset and at the end of the day it kinda makes us feel miserable.  Not only did we make our girl feel bad, but we end up looking like the bad guy because our girl is upset and its our fault (even though a lot of times its not!)  Then, there are those girls out there who NO MATTER what you do, they'll find something wrong in it.  How many of us have heard you're just saying that, you don't really believe it!? How bout when you actually prove that you're right?  Have you heard yeah you're right AGAIN! You're ALWAYS right! Even when we're right, we're wrong in their eyes.  I could have an argument with a girl about what color the sky was and even though I say its blue, she'll find some way to make me look wrong and have everyone out there believing its actually hot pink.  Whats worse is that a lot of you girls out there KNOW that you can get away with being the victim.  Girls can hit guys all they like, but once a man touches a woman, its wrong.  I don't condone hitting women under any circumstances, but I just wanted to point this out.

well..I might make an exception for THIS one...

Please don't take this list too seriously...this was done just for fun and for those that disagree, well you're entitled to your opinion.  Let me know what you think!  Thanks for reading..