ahem..on to the list..
NUMBER 7
THE SKUNK
The Skunk ~ Driver who's car and/or clothes reek of stank (yes stank!) Cars often smell of alcohol, cigarette smoke, or rotten fruit. Found frequenting clubs, bars, and parties.
Everyone reading this list has either seen or been in the car with The Skunk. They can't seem to fight the urge to smoke while they're driving, often times blowing smoke directly into their passengers faces. I'm blowing it out the window though! Umm..No..you're not. Your window is open so the smoke is just being blown into the backseat. Not only that, but their cars reek of the nastiness. The Skunk tries sometimes to be courteous by getting out of the car to smoke. Unfortunately for all the passengers, the smoke still sticks to The Skunk's clothing which still comes into the car. I bet many of us have seen them attempt to cover their stank with Axe or Tag right? Sorry buddies but it doesn't really do anything. 
One other classification of Skunks are the ones who seem to miraculously lose food in their cars. 80% of the time (*citation needed) it seems to be fruit and you end up with that awkwardly bad yet mildly delightful smell. Okay that's kinda pushing it but you just can't seem to ever ignore the smell. The final class of Skunks are the Sport Skunks. That's not to say that these skunks play sports, its just that they smell as if they took a bath in sweat. Their nasty B.O. combined with sticky seats and oftentimes hot weather produce a smell almost as bad as the smokers. These are the easiest to detect with signs like shiny hair, wet spots in their underarms, heavy breathing, and constant fidgeting.
One other classification of Skunks are the ones who seem to miraculously lose food in their cars. 80% of the time (*citation needed) it seems to be fruit and you end up with that awkwardly bad yet mildly delightful smell. Okay that's kinda pushing it but you just can't seem to ever ignore the smell. The final class of Skunks are the Sport Skunks. That's not to say that these skunks play sports, its just that they smell as if they took a bath in sweat. Their nasty B.O. combined with sticky seats and oftentimes hot weather produce a smell almost as bad as the smokers. These are the easiest to detect with signs like shiny hair, wet spots in their underarms, heavy breathing, and constant fidgeting. NUMBER 6
ATTENTION WHORE
Attention Whore ~ Driver who must be the center of attention. Often has spinning rims, ridiculously bad paint jobs, ugly unnecessary tails that do nothing, and almost always has loud obnoxious music blasting. Frequents main streets (ex- Sonoma in Vallejo, Mission in SF) but can just as easily be found in mall parking lots or schools. Drivers also like to exit cars idiotically while the cars are running and then proceeds to either dance outside the car while it moves or dances on the hood.
These drivers are those drivers. The ones who apparently feel that everyone on the road has to hear their music. They usually have techno music (which apparently all sound like boom boom chicka pow pow) or "hardcore" rap music. Are they deaf? Here's a better idea instead of destroying the ear drums of your passengers and every person within a half mile radius of your car - GET A HEARING AID. I pray that they know how idiotic they look and how weak their systems sound because most of the time all we can hear is rattling and vibration from their "sick bass". I'm from the bay area and I've seen more then my share of Attention Whores. The ones that are also ridiculously annoying are the "hyphy" drivers. I'm all for the movement and music but seriously guys..GROW UP. I hope that this ghost rider video is legit.
NUMBER 5
TECHNOLOGY WIZARD
Technology Wizard ~ Usually has some form of electronics on hand. Often seen holding a cell phone to one ear while they are completely oblivious to their surroundings. Frequently seen at stoplights and freeways.
Wasn't there a law that passed saying that we can't hold our phones up to our ears while we drive anymore? Its funny because very few seem to believe that being on their cell while they're driving makes them a bad driver. How did most people try to use their phones without clutching it to their ears? What's that you say? They did the smart thing and bought headsets or some blue tooth enabled device freeing up both hands to more easily pay attention to the road? No of course not silly they started texting! Yeah because having your eyes and head down while you fumble with your phone is much more safer. Thank God they finally passed a law preventing texting while driving so hopefully they can prevent text related deaths.
NUMBER 4
BROKEN SIGNALER
Broken Signaler ~ Drivers incapable of using their cars turn signals. Also unable to make hand signals or give any indication that they are turning or are attempting to turn. Studies have shown that some Broken Signalers actually have the ability to turn their signals on, but not until the least opportune moment.
You see that little yellow light there in that picture? It can be red, white, or yellow, but they all function the same! You trigger that light to indicate your intent on making a left or right turn. How do you access this magical feature that apparently only competent drivers can use? By moving your left hand an inch from the wheel and clicking this easily visible knob/handle up or down. Not hard right? For some reason this simple task seems to completely be forgotten by drivers on the road. You've been in that situation where you're in a lane that can either go straight, or turn left. There's one car in front of you and you're waiting for the red light to turn green. The car isn't signaling so he should be going straight right? The light turns green and for some reason the car in front is slowly creeping forward and then in about 4 seconds, he slightly (I mean SLIGHTLY) angles his car to the left. He's not gonna..HE IS! You then get upset and must find a way around the car. How does he give you one last slap to the face? He of course turns his signal on right as you're about to pass him. ARGH!!!!!
NUMBER 3
LOST PUPPY
Lost Puppy ~ Drivers who (unlike their canine counterparts) are anything but cute. Loves to consistently drive (minimum) 5 miles under the speed limit and spends (minimum again) 3 seconds stopped at green lights. Can be seen looking for parking many times. Often has traits of the Broken Signaler but is indeed a much more irritating species. Frequents narrow roads, residential areas, and streets with lots of traffic.
The worse part about the Lost Puppy is that they always seem to be around when you're in a rush. Need to get to class before you're late? Sorry but someone is attempting to locate a specific bank which is three blocks away and they're constantly stopping in front of you. Need to get to the hospital because your wifes in labor? Sorry but the baby has to wait because the Lost Puppy in front is attempting to locate an easily seen parking lot 30 meters ahead. The Lost puppys love to go at a snails pace and actually attempt to find the places while driving. Here's a thought that you can take and give to any Lost Puppys you know (and I KNOW you know some) = Get a GPS or pull over to the side and look at a map! Their stops are so inconsistent and frequent too..but not nearly as bad as..
NUMBER 2
HEAVY FOOT
Heavy Foot ~ Drivers who's feet are apparently so heavy that they cannot control how much force they apply to the brake pedal or gas pedal. Frequents congested areas and stop lights.
Everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) has encountered this species of driver at one point. Whether you've been in the car with them or have been behind their cars, they are easily noticeable. When you're in the car and for some reason, you seem to be taking a bow every 5 minutes, you're with a Heavy Foot. They love to slam on their brakes and whenever they're given an opportunity to move forward, they slam on the gas! The constant change of speed results in strained necks, headaches, nausea, and all sorts of other problems that are more then mildly irritating. If you've been behind these beasts, then you often see their lights go from non-existent, to bam flashed bright red in your eye! The worse part is that since their feet are so ridiculously heavy, their car comes to a screeching halt forcing other drivers behind to do the same (often times with more then a few car lengths in front of them). The strangest thing about this unique species though is that you can never tell who they are just by looking at their feet. Apparently they have some crazy deal with shoe companies that allows their mammoth sized feet to fit into tiny normal sized shoes. Either that or they're just really bad drivers.
Throughout my studies, I've encountered these wild animals and have even risked being in the same vehicle behind them fearing for my life. The next driver I'm about to discuss is to be avoided at all costs. You've been warned!
drumroll please..
ratatatatatatatata
NUMBER 1
THE FLASH
The Flash ~ Most common species of bad drivers. Often referred to as the Rush Hour Driver or the Incessant Horn driver. This animal seems to always be in a rush and usually drives at a minimum of 15 mph over the speed limit. If behind another vehicle, this driver will tailgate coming as close as a foot behind and if at a red light, will honk his horn at the second the light turns green. Can be seen multi tasking on the road eating, talking on the cell phone, and sometimes doing makeup. Be aware that engaging with this species can also put extra risk to the children often seen in the back of these drivers cars. AVOID AT ALL COSTS. Frequently seen on freeways, near schools, and all main roads. Usually comes out between the hours of 6:00am to 10:00am and 2:30 pm to 8:00pm but can be seen at all times of the day.
Flashes are so frequently seen that it's become a given that you'll encounter them. Unfortunately, their condition is contagious, leading to spirited arguments and some type of sign language consisting of the raising of one lone middle finger. Apparently in Flash language this is a form of a challenge which results in other drivers becoming enraged and being turned into a Flash themselves. Avoid their bait and attempt to drive normally. Although hard, do your best to stay away from their gang signs and do not engage! They will do everything in their power to cut you off and make your driving experience as dangerous as possible. In my studies I've found that by slowly pacing the car next to you, while having a Flash behind you, the Flash becomes enraged and violently swerves back and forth in between lanes to attempt to pass. Do not allow them to. It's a fun game I like to play. But be warned: Flashes will attempt to pass and if they do, they will attempt to do the same thing to you.
Hope you enjoyed my list and tell me what you think! Did I miss any? Let me know. Thanks for reading and make sure to vote! Scroll up and it'll be on the top right of this blog!
Hope you enjoyed my list and tell me what you think! Did I miss any? Let me know. Thanks for reading and make sure to vote! Scroll up and it'll be on the top right of this blog!
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