People Who SUCK at their Jobs

Has anyone else ever seen professionals and thought "How did they make it?  They suck yet people are paying millions of dollars to see their sub par work?"  I'm sure I'm not the first person to notice some of these "Pros" and think to myself that there are way more capable people who could easily do much better jobs, yet for some reason these individuals were blessed with some type of "It" factor.  Of course "It" could easily be confused (at least in these cases) as being in the right place at the right time, but that's besides the point.  These five are baffling in the fact that they're as popular as they are, make millions upon millions, and are in some cases still growing in popularity.  This isn't to say that I dislike these five, actually in all honesty I truly do like them aside from one individual, but to just point out that they really aren't very good at their professions.

Before I begin I'd just like to remind everyone that these lists are mainly meant to be humorous and not taken too literally.  Also, it's okay to disagree with me because these lists are 100% opinionated meaning you're entitled to your own.  Of course my opinion far outweighs any of yours (probably due to the fact that most of you are too lazy to compose your own lists) and with that lets start the list!

*That last part above was a JOKE.  I thank all five of you out there for continuing to read my work and am grateful that people actually care (or are bored enough) to read the stuff I write.

NUMBER 5

KEANU REEVES

ACTOR?

Everyone knows who Keanu Reeves is and to say his acting is stiff is kind of like beating a dead horse.  I still feel that he's worth addressing because of the fact that he still gets work and throughout the years of being in film, he hasn't changed in the least.  Go to google images and search for Keanu Reeves.  Better yet, here's a link.  Do you see it?  ALL THE PICTURES LOOK THE SAME!  Same tired and lost look with just different features.  I've enjoyed some of his films (The Matrix, The Replacements) and he was perfectly cast in other roles (Bill and Ted movies, The Day The Earth Stood Still) but his blandness and bored execution leaves much to be desired. 

NUMBER 4

CHRISTOPHER WALKEN

ACTOR?

Let me get one thing out of the way: I love Christopher Walken!  With that said, sadly he's a terrible actor.  You can always tell that he's reading his lines and his presentation is just downright weird.  His awkward presentation is shown here in a top 11 list by the Nostalgia Critic.  It's hard to deny the strange mannerisms that make Christopher Walken entertaining, but it's that awkwardness that adds to his charm.  Even the way that he dances is weird as shown in this fat boy slim video.  The strangest thing though about Walken is that you can't help but to like him.  He's hilarious in comedies and creepy in scary roles.  I recommend you go and watch his SNL skits and tell me that you didn't laugh.  Seriously.  Go google em or something.  I love watching Walken act, but the bottom line is that he's not very good, leaving him with a fitting number 4 slot on my list.  

NUMBER 3

JOHN CENA

WRESTLER

John Cena has incredible charisma, a ridiculous build, and a charm probably only previously seen in The Rock.  Sadly, Cena also shares the same wrestling ability as The Rock.  I enjoyed watching The Rock wrestle (at times) and the same can be said for Cena but the truth is that they closely resemble wrestlers like Hulk Hogan and The Ultimate Warrior.  While some may feel that these are compliments, if anyone has really watched those old wrestlers "fight" then you can attest to how uneventful their matches were.  With a combined arsenal of possibly 12 moves, the main things that distinguish these wrestlers are their "finishing moves" and even those seem to be boring.  An elbow drop, a leg drop, and an overhead slam are all downright yawn-inducing and if it wasn't for these wrestlers larger then life personalities, they'd just be another coulda-been trying to make it big.  I will say that Cena is a workhorse and his drive is admirable, but that doesn't change the fact that he's not that good of a wrestler. 

NUMBER 2

UWE BOLL

DIRECTOR/VIDEO GAME BUTCHER/CRITIC BULLY

For anyone out there that knows me, you know that I love video games and would love to see some competent movies based on my favorite franchises.  Uwe Boll is possibly the main reason that no studio will even risk venturing into video game territory.  Director of such classics like Alone In the Dark or the brilliant House of the Dead movies Boll is starting to be known as the Ed Wood of his time.  Boll is the one person on this list that I truly do not like and it's not just because of him possibly killing the hopes of great movies based on video games, but because the guy is also a douche!  He's actually staged boxing matches against critics of his films (which hold an average metacritic score of 18) and called out anyone who would slander his films.  He's badmouthed other directors and took advantage of German Tax Laws meaning no matter how bad his films tanked, he still took home a profit.  He doesn't even bother polishing his films and has even spliced in Video Game footage (House of the Dead.)  You can even see someone who was "dead" in one of his films actually get up and walk off set (Alone In The Dark.) 

Boll would easily take the number one spot but the truth is that he's not consistently raking in million of dollars and his work is known worldwide as being awful.  The number one spot is reserved for a group that is an international sensation and continues to grow in popularity.

drumroll please..

NUMBER 1

THE BLACK EYED PEAS

RAPPERS/SINGERS..SORTA..

The Black Eyed Peas are easily one of the hottest groups on the planet, churning out hit after hit for the past few years.  I have to admit that their tunes are infectious and once you hear them, you'll be humming them in your head all day.  The thing is, have you ever taken a moment to truly listen to the content of their songs?  Last years I Got a Feeling's first minute and a half had the words I got a feeling, that tonights gonna be a good night. That tonights gonna be a good night.  That tonights gonna be a good good night. Feeling.  Throw in a couple woo-hoos, state the days of the week and speak a little hebrew and there's the main content of 2009's blockbuster hit.  How about their Fergie heavy hit My Humps?  More great lyrics follow: Whatcha gon do wit all that junk, all that junk inside your trunk?  I'ma get get get get you drunk.  Get you love drunk off my humps.  My humps my humps, my hump my hump my humps; my hump my hump my humps. my lovely lady lumps; check it out.  Fergie and Will. I. Am are pretty much the heart of this group while the other two aren't really even memorable.  You have the filipino guy with the fat accent (APL) and the guy who umm..contributes by..well..the long haired guy (Taboo).  I enjoy some of their music, but they really aren't lyrically there (although I give a lot of credit to Will I. Am's great beats!)

Disagree?  Agree?  Any honorable mentions you think deserve a slot?  Hope you enjoyed reading this and I'll try my best to release a new list a lot sooner then later.